iOMG

Episode #310                                         

“iOMG”

Story by

Dan Schneider

Written by

Dan Schneider

Directed by

Adam Weissman

Executive Producer

Dan Schneider

Air Date: April 9 2011

Schneider’s Bakery Inc.

Copy right………

Scene One

Begins in a school classroom with an arm wrestling match

Carly:

Alright, here we go!

Cheering

Sam:

Ok Benson, let’s do this thing.

Freddie:

Just a sec

Rolls up sleeves to show muscles, puts arms above head to stretch arms and neck

Oohing and ahhing

Sam:

I’m getting (singing) booored

Carly:

Sit down boy... Ok, you ready?

Freddie:

Ready

Carly:

You ready?

Sam:

Call it.

Carly:

Aaand go!

Sam wins

Freddie:

How long?

Carly:

3.2 seconds

Freddie:  

Yeah! That’s the longest it’s ever taken you to beat me! Whoo!

Flexes muscles

Sam:

(Sarcastically) Congratulations

Gibby:

Dude (reaches out to fist bump)

Freddie:

Hey Brad

Brad:

Hey man

All:

Hey Brad/ Hows it going?/ Good to see ya

Brad:

Sup guys

Carly:

So, how ya likein’ Ridgeway?

Brad:

Good, pretty cool so far

Sam:

Nice, nice

Carly:

Awesome

Brad:

So ah, how are things working out with Cort on iCarly?

Carly:

Oh (looks at Freddie who gives her a ha ha look) we ahh, had to fire Cort.

Sam:

Yeah

Brad:

Why, What happened?

Carly:

Oh, he just turned out to be...

Sam:

Not the best

Freddie:

He was dangerously stupid.

Sam/Carly:

Say words of agreement

Brad:

Well hey, if you’re still looking for some help with iCarly I’d be happy to-

Carly:

You still want to be our intern?

Sam:

Really?

Brad:

I’d love it

Carly:

Awesome

Sam:

Done

Freddie:

You’re in

Sam:

And you still make fudge right?

Brad:

Ooh yeah! I love making fudge for people. In fact, fudge.

All:

Sounds of happiness and fudge getting

Sam:

Oh, you got to make a load of this stuff for the lock-in.

Freddie:

Big load

Carly:

Oh yeah

Brad:

What’s a lock-in?

Carly:

Oh, every year at Ridgeway they have this thing where the students spend a whole Saturday night in school and we all finish our semester projects.

Freddie:

Everyone pulls an all nighter.

Brad:

Sounds cool

Carly:

Yeah it’s kinda fun.

Gibby:

Yeah it’s fun unless you happen to fall asleep and SAM DRAWS SOMETHING ON YOUR FOREHEAD.

Brad:

What did she draw on your forehead?

Gibby:

 You don’t need to know. (Brad nods)

Sam:

Would you forget about that already?

Gibby:

I CAN’T. YOU TOOK PICTURES THAT’LL LIVE ON THE INTERNET FOREVER

Sam:

It wasn’t that bad

Gibby:

Not that bad? READ THE COMMENTS

Sam throws hands up in annoyance

Carly:

It was a pretty accurate drawing

End scene one-main titles

Scene Two

begins with Carly and Sam doing their web show from the iCarly studio

Carly:

Look at us

Sam:

Now back at Gibby

Carly:

Now back at us

Sam:

Now back at Gibby

Carly:

His hands are full of tuna fish salad... Now look down

Sam:

Back up

Carly:

Out your window

Sam:

Think about cheese

Carly:

Stop thinking about cheese

Sam:

Your web show isn’t as good as this web show

Carly:

But your web show can smell like this web show

Sam:

If you have a Gibby

Carly:

Holding a large blob of tuna fish salad

Gibby:

I’m on a cow

Carly:

Now before we go

Sam:

How about a hand for our newest addition to iCarly

Carly:

A guy who helps us out for free

Sam:

And makes top notch fudge

Carly:

Say hello to iCarly’s new intern

Both:

BRAD/brad, brad, brad/he’s brad with a “B”,...

Carly:

And so ends another edition of iCarly

Sam:

I think we all learned a little something tonight

Carly:

No we didn’t

Sam:

Oh that’s right we learned nothing

Carly:

We wasted your time

Sam:

Bye

Carly:

Later

Sam:

Peace

Carly:

Nuggets

Sam:

Kiss a hamster

Carly:

Don’t pet the sweaty stuff

Sam:

Botswana

Carly:

Botswana

Sam:

Botswana

Both:

Bots, bots, Botswana

Freddie:

And we are clear(Carly and Sam high five) good show guys. I like the little improvy thing.

Both:

Thanks

Brad:

So, did I do okay?

Freddie/Carly:

Yeah/you did awesome

Sam:

You sir are an excellent assistant (pokes him in chest)

 Carly:

And Sam doesn’t give out a lot of compliments

Freddie:

Usually it’s insults followed by beatings

Brad:

Well I’m psyched to be working with you guys

Gibby:

Hey can I get the recipe for this tuna salad ball?

Brad:

Absolutely

Gibby:

Good, I love this

Freddie:

Hey we should probably head back over to my place, get some more work done on our project

Brad:

Sure, let me grab my stuff

Freddie:

Alright

Sam:

What’s your project?

Freddie:

We’re making an app for the pearpad.

Carly:

Moodface right?

Freddie:

Uh-huh

Brad:

You just stare at the pearpad’s camera for five seconds and it’ll tell you what your mood is.

Carly:

Really?

Sam:

That’s so cool

Gibby:

Did you use chopped celery in this?

Brad:

Red onion

Gibby:

Clever

Sam:

Hey, can I work with you guys on your project?

Freddie:

You’re asking if you can help us?

Sam:

Yeah

Freddie:

With a school project?

Sam:

I think it sounds really interesting?

Freddie:

(Feels her arm)Feels like Sam

Carly:

(Smells her hair) Smells like Sam

Sam:

(Laughs)Can I help with the project or what?

Freddie:

Sure you can help

Brad

I’ll bring the fudge

Sam:

I’ll bring my mouth

They walk out and Sam rubs her stomach. End scene two

Scene three

begins in Carly's kitchen – Spencer is working with a fire extinguisher

Carly:

Hey

Spencer:

Hey kiddo

Carly:

You wanna grab some dinner tonight?

Spencer:

Ahh I thought you were hanging out with Sam?

Carly:

Nah, I was supposed to but she’s going to see a movie with Freddie and Brad.

Spencer:

Sam wants to hang out with them?

Carly;

I know weird right?

Spencer:

Yeah

Carly:

What’s that for?

Spencer:

Ahh, the fire department sent us a letter saying(putting air quotes until year) we’ve reached our maximum number of calls for the year so I bought this.

Carly:

Nice

Spencer:

Yeah and I just fixed the nozzle to make it extra powerful. I’m gonna mount it on the wall over there.

Carly:

Seems like a good place to mount it.

Spencer:

Thanks

Carly:

Hey, so you know about this lock-in thing on Saturday night at Ridgeway, we’re all gonna try to finish our school projects?

Spencer:

Uh-huh

Carly:

Well, Gibby and I are doing a kinda psychological experiment, will you be our test subject?

Spencer:

Huuh, I don’t know. Saturday nights I usually watch Cops with Socko’s grandmother and I really, really

Carly:

Come on

Spencer:

Um kay

Carly:

Cool

Spencer:

Now, I need to show you how this works in case there’s ever a fire and I’m not home.

Carly:

Alright, show me

Spencer:

Alright, see that paper cup right there?

Carly:

I see the cup

Spencer:

Imagine I’m not home and that cup is on fire. You don’t just go(imitates girl freaking out) Oh, I’m a young girl at home and there’s a fire. Ahhhh! Now what do I do! Ahhh! Nope you just pull this thingy, point the nozzle suchly, and calmly squeeze the spout. (fire bursts out of spout)Ahhhhhh!

Carly:

Oh my god!

Spencer:

It’s on fire, the cup’s on fire! Now what do we do, what do we do!?!?

Carly runs and grabs blanket and puts out fire with it. Looks at Spencer like he’s in a lot of trouble

Spencer:

And then you just put the extinguisher back in its wall bracket.

End scene three

Scene Four

begins in Ridgeway High School at night, as we hear Principal Franklin make an announcement

Principal Franklin:

Attention students, this is Principal Franklin, it’s now 9p.m. and all exterior school doors have been locked. (kid runs around trapped screaming) If you get hungry during the night you will find a food cart in the main hallway. I wish you all good luck with your school projects. Oh, warning: if you fall asleep the school is not responsible for anything Sam Puckett might draw on your foreheads.(Freddie gives brad a see look)Study hard and prosper.

Spencer:

Sooo, this is...

Carly:

A controlled sensory stimulus chamber

Spencer:

Whoa, I have no idea what that means

Gibby:

It’s a box

Carly:

Get in it. (pushes Spencer)

Spencer:

Whoa wait whoa whoa. I wanna know what’s gonna happen after I’m in there

Gibby:

Subject already being difficult (writes on clipboard)

Spencer:

I’m not being difficult I just wanna

Carly:

(interrupting) OK Listen, you go in there, we lock the door, and then we’re gonna test your reactions to different kinds of stimuli.

Spencer:

Ooh stimuli oh(being pushed to box)

Carly:

Ok go in there, perfect, and lock. Ah give me the mike(Spencer mouths next line) Oh(noticing Spencer) and speakers on. Say that again.

Spencer:

Why is there a mirror in here and why can’t I see out?

Carly:

It’s one way glass.

Spencer:

So you can’t see anything I’m doing(Dances around)

Carly:

No we can see you, you can’t see us

Spencer:

Oh right right

Carly:

Ok we’re going to start with various forms of stimulation.

Gibby:

Just react as you normally would.

Spencer:

Ok

Carly:

Turn your mike off

Gibby:

Right

Carly:

Ok Gibby let’s start with something only mildly irritating(Does stuff with pearpad) Play radio dingo to the speakers inside the chamber

Gibby:

Coming up

Spencer:

No, no, no, no, nope, noo. Please turn this off it’s horrible.

Carly

Turn it up

Gibby:

Increasing volume

Spencer:

Hey! That’s too loud guys turn it off I don’t like it!

Carly:

Kill his mike

Spencer:

Mouthing words of turn it off

Carly:

And music off (Spencer celebrates) And music on. (throws tantrum type thing)

Switch to Freddie and Brad

Freddie:

Ok tap the faces button

Brad:

Ok

Freddie:

Ok just let me sync the emotions matrix

Sam:

(entering) I’m back

Brad:

Hey Sam

 

Sam:

Hey. (Handing Freddie stuff) I got your camera,(Freddie: thank you) hard drive, cables, and I brought you guys chips and fresh guacamole.

Brad:

Wow that’s awesome

Freddie:

Wait(runs over and hits chip out of Brad’s hand- grabs guacamole)

Sam:

Why’d you do that?

Freddie:

(sniffs guacamole)What’d you put in the guac?(Sam shrugs)Something to make us sleep?

Sam:

No

Freddie:

(superiorly)Then eat some (Sam gets a chip and chews it motioning with her hands-to Brad) Just a sec.(Freddie grabs Sam by the arm- moves away from Brad)Ok What’s up with you?

Sam:

What do you mean?

Freddie:

You have been nice and helpful and considerate all day. What’s your game?

Sam:

No game(Freddie gives her an yeah right look) Why don’t we get on with the project?

Freddie:

(reluctantly) Ok

Sam:

Ok?

Freddie:

Ook

Sam:

Ok?

Freddie:

Ok

Sam:

Ok (walks to chair- Freddie watches her suspiciously) So is this baby ready for testin’?

Brad:

Yup just sit on that chair and stare right into the pearpad.

Sam:

I do like sitin’ and starein’

Brad picks up camera

Freddie:

Go ahead and record

Brad:

Alright, rolling

Freddie:

(into phone)Ok, this is Freddie Benson proceeding with test number three of application moodface, subject Sam Puckett.(Sam gives thumbs up to camera) Alright Sam, just stare at the pearpad straight on and keep you head still.

Sam:

Yup

Test-In LOVE-Freddie is shocked and looks from Sam to Brad and rapidly types on his computer

Sam:

Can I move now?

Freddie:

(still shocked) Uhh yeah

Brad:

So what’s her mood

Freddie:

Uh, it’s uh, it’s inconclusive.

Sam:

No reading?

Brad:

It was working this morning.

Freddie:

Yeah, I'm gonna see if Carly has any tissues.(runs out the door with computer-Sam and Brad shrug to each other)

End Scene Four

Scene Five

Begins back in the classroom where Spencer is in the sensory stimulus chamber.

Carly:

Ok Spencer we’re moving on to our next experiment.

Spencer:

What is it?

Carly:

It’s not that bad

Spencer:

Then tell me what it is. (Carly turns off mike) Carly! Ah!(smacks glass)

Carly:

Fire up the stink hose

Gibby:

Releasing the stink

Spencer:

Ahh! What is that?!(gagging) That smells terrible! Oh my God that smells horrible! It smells like-(Carly turns off his mike afraid of what he mouths)

Freddie:

(runs in) Carly!

Carly:

Oh hey. How’s your moodface project going?

Freddie:

Listen

Carly:

What’s wrong?

Freddie:

You know how we’ve been wondering what’s up with Sam?

Carly:

Yeah

Freddie:

Why she’s been wanting to hang with me and Brad all the time? Why she’s been so nice to me and Brad?

Carly:

So what d’you find out?

Freddie:

 I(looking over his shoulder) I just did an emotion test on her with  our new app.

Carly:

And

Freddie:

Her mood (opens laptop)

Carly:

(bends over to look at computer) In love! With Brad?

Freddie:

Uh-huh

Gibby:

Hey Carly check this out, I turned the stink up to eleven. (Spencer takes off shirt and puts it over his face, bangs on and slides down glass and falls down)

Carly:

Sam’s is love? (Freddie gives her an apparently look)

End Scene Five

Scene Six

Begins in the school hallway, with Carly running in, looking for Sam

Carly:

Sam, Sam, SAM

Sam:

Hey Carls

Carly:

Hey. Ham?

Sam:

Uh-huh

Carly:

Extra ham?

Sam:

Uh-huh

Carly:

So how’s your project going?

Sam:

Good I think, but I’m not sure cause’ Benson freaked and ran out the door a few minutes ago.

Carly:

Oh, and how’s Brad?

Sam:

Brad’s cool.

Carly:

Hmm, would you say very cool?(pokes Sam in the arm)

Sam:

Wait, what do you mean?

Carly:

I know you love Brad. (grabs Sam’s wrist) Admit you love him.

Sam:

I love ham I’ll admit that

Carly:

You can’t kiss and snuggle with ham.(Sam kisses and snuggles with her ham sandwich)

Sam:

Oh ham

Carly:

Sam!

Sam:

Excuse me, I have to turn my back on you now.

Carly:

Sam, I know you love Brad. It’s exciting.

Sam:

Ok, did you like fall out of a tree or what?

Carly:

You wanna know how I know you’re in love with Brad?

Sam:

(Sarcastically) Sure, please share.

Carly:

When Freddie tested his moodface app on you it said in love.

Sam:

Who says his app really works?

Carly:

Well, does it?

Sam:

No!

Carly:

Yes it does. You know it does. It works gooood.

Sam:

I’m gonna go eat my ham in peace

Carly:

(dancing) You love the Brad

Sam:

Boobity, boobity, boo!

Carly:

You can’t bury your love in ham!

Sam:

I can try!

Freddie:

(walking to Carly) She admit it?

Carly:

Denied

Freddie:

Ah, figured

Carly:

Ah, she’s just a little awkward about liking guys.

Freddie:

Oh, well.(starts to walk away)

Carly:

No, no, no, no. No oh well. We’re gonna make this happen.

Freddie:

Why?

Carly:

Cause’ Brad’s awesome(Freddie rolls his eyes) It’s the first time Sam’s ever liked a guy who’s not disgusting, or heavily tattooed, or on parole.  

Freddie:

But if Sam won’t even admit that she likes him how are we gonna get them-

Carly:

You’ve seen the animal channel(Freddie’s confused) The(looks around and pushes Freddie away from the middle of the Hallway)The horses(Freddie is even more confused) When they want two horses to, you know “date”,(Freddie holds back a smile and laughter-Carly awkwardly) They put them in the same barn together and then they like turn the barn lights down and(shaking Freddie) you know what I’m talkin’ about why are you making me say it!

Freddie:

So we get Sam and Brad, take em to a barn-

Carly:

Stop it this is important. Help me do this, for Sam.

Freddie:

Alright, but if she gets mad at me-

Gibby:

(running in)Hey hey, uh Spencer pucked a little bit.

Carly:

Please, please just clean it up. We have something really important to do. Come on (Freddie mouths sorry and they walk away)

Gibby:

Sure.  Always make Gibby clean the vomit out of the sensory stimulus chamber.

End Scene Six

Scene Seven

begins in the classroom where Sam and Brad are working on their school project together

Sam:

So how’d you learn to make fudge?

Brad:

Oh, my uh Great grandmother taught me.

Sam:

She was a good woman Brad

Brad:

She’s still alive

Sam:

Even better

Carly and Freddie enter and Carly encourages Freddie to make the announcement now

Freddie:

Uh, hey everyone, I uh just saw a two-headed frog out in the courtyard (Sam and Brad shrug) Two heads, on a frog! Come on I’ll show ya!

Carly:

Yes follow Freddie, come on, alright (Sam and Brad start to leave) Oh wait don’t go

Sam:

Why not?

Brad:

We wanna see the two-headed frog

Carly:

Nah Freddie exaggerated the-the number of heads (starts to back out and turn the lights off) I’m not coming back(shakes head and leaves Sam and Brad alone)

Sam and Brad awkwardly move apart

Brad:

Just a one headed frog

Sam:

Less impressive

End Scene Seven

Scene Eight

begins in the other classroom with Spencer pacing in the sensory stimulus chamber.

Spencer:

Come on I am starving!!

Gibby:

(in an accent) It wears the blindfold if it wants to be fed

Spencer:

Stop doing that accent it’s creeping me out(hitting glass)and give me some food!

Carly:

Put on the blindfold and we’ll feed you

Spencer:

(reluctantly) Alright

Carly:

(Carly and Gibby move to the side of the chamber) Here’s a bowl of chowder and a spoon.

Gibby:

Are you sure we should do this?

Carly:

It’s for science

Gibby:

So, what’s science ever done for me?

Carly:

Ugh artificial sweeteners, man on the moon, liquid soap

Gibby:

Ok

Carly:

Put the chowder through the slot

Gibby:

Alright

Carly:

Ok Spencer now just reach to you left and Gibby’ll hand you a bowl of chowder and a spoon.

Spencer:

It’s about time!

Gibby opens case

Carly:

Now push the button

Spencer:

(gets electrocuted by chowder and spills it all over the place) Ahh!

Carly:

Hey what happened?

Spencer:

What happened? I was-What did you do to my chowder?

Gibby:

(writing on clipboard) Electrocution turbs appetite.

Sam:

(walking in-annoyed) Carly Shay

Carly:

(looks over-then to Gibby)Back in a sec

Sam:

Might be more than a sec

Carly:

What are you doing here? Why aren’t you with Brad?

Sam:

That wasn’t cool

Carly:

(innocently) What?

Sam:

I know the whole two-headed frog thing was just to get me alone with Brad.

Carly:

Yeah, I was hooking you up

Sam:

I don’t need you to hook me up

Carly:

You love him

Sam:

I don’t love Brad!!!

Carly:

The pearpad said you do!

Sam:

It’s a stupid computer app!

Carly:

You’ve been acting different!

Sam:

(looking away-mumbling) No I haven’t

Carly:

Oh come on! Lately whenever Freddie and Brad do anything all of a sudden you wanna tag along. Brad’s so nice, he’s polite, he’s smart, he’s got no warrants! Think of the fudgy good times you guys could have together! Don’t you want a nice boyfriend? Go for it! Make a move! I just want you to be happy.

Sam:

Then bake me a pie.(walks away)

Gibby:

I love pie

Carly:

Gibby!

End Scene Eight

Scene Nine

begins with Sam, sitting outside, drinking a bottle of water

Freddie:

(opens the door-sticks head in)Yo yo

Sam:

Carly send you to find me?

Freddie:

Nope

Sam:

Oh so you don’t know we had a little argument?

Freddie:

She told me about your little argument. I just said she didn’t tell me to come find you.

Sam:

Good.

Freddie:

But Carly’s right

Sam:

HHH Ugghh!

Freddie:

Groan all you want.

Sam:

I don’t care what your stupid pearpad app says about me being in love, I’m not into Brad like that.

Freddie:

Lately everytime I tell you that Brad and I are doing something together you wanna come hang with us.

Sam:

And that means I’m in love with him?

Freddie:

Well you hate me!

Sam:

(mumbling) Never said I hate you

Freddie:

Yeah, you have. Like 900 times. I still have the birthday card you gave me that says “Happy Birthday, I hate you. Hate, Sam!”

Sam:

(pleadingly) Just leeaave!

Freddie:

Fine I’ll leeaave

Sam:

Bye!

Freddie:

But before I go-

Sam:

(gets up) That’s it. Get out of here before I do a double fist dance on your face.

Freddie:

(not moving) You can threaten your double fist face dancing all you want, but Carly’s still right. Look, I know it’s scary for you to put your feelings out there cause’ you never know if the person you like is gonna like you back. Everyone feels that way but you never know what might happen if you don’t- (Sam grabs him and kisses him. Out the window Carly is watching with a shocked expression on her face. Freddie’s eyes are open with shock. After eleven seconds Sam pulls away and it gets awkward)

Freddie:

(tries to say something but is to shocked to so he just makes a noise)

Sam:

Sorry

Freddie:

(long beat) It’s cool

End Scene Nine